Sometime comedian and author.https://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.socialhttps://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mlo2o43e3k2dIf this isn’t called I Thought You Was Dead then what are we even doing here12 May 2026 15:02 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mlo2o43e3k2dhttps://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mkq2cizn5c2eWhen you’re playing hide and seek but your heart isn’t in it30 Apr 2026 16:36 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mkq2cizn5c2ehttps://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mkpe6f6il22lGuy who eats you out to improve their own microbiome [contains quote post or other embedded content]30 Apr 2026 10:00 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mkpe6f6il22lhttps://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mjwv4jfnt22mIn case there was any mystery about what this is about: https://jacobhatton.substack.com/p/fuck-you-pay-me [contains quote post or other embedded content]20 Apr 2026 16:27 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mjwv4jfnt22mhttps://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mjtoumolqc2yWrote a little rage writing https://substack.com/@jacobhatton/note/p-194598890?r=b9h6h&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action19 Apr 2026 09:57 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mjtoumolqc2yhttps://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mjfvpadgr22c13 Apr 2026 22:22 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mjfvpadgr22chttps://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mjcuwzrodc2eWrote a nasty little horror story https://open.substack.com/pub/jacobhatton/p/skin?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=post%20viewer12 Apr 2026 17:30 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mjcuwzrodc2ehttps://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mj7qj4sigc2bSharing for beard reasons but also come to Brighton innit11 Apr 2026 11:33 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mj7qj4sigc2bhttps://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mitov56pvs2yMarch06 Apr 2026 16:32 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mitov56pvs2yhttps://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mipbspfays23Which way western man04 Apr 2026 22:27 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mipbspfays23https://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3micfpmxz4c2yI am extremely attractive [contains quote post or other embedded content]30 Mar 2026 19:33 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3micfpmxz4c2yhttps://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mhokewukyc2kI wrote a little about springtime. https://open.substack.com/pub/jacobhatton/p/springtime?r=b9h6h&utm_medium=ios&shareImageVariant=split22 Mar 2026 22:03 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mhokewukyc2khttps://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mham56ite22eI’m cautiously coming to the conclusion, I think, that this is going to be the best thing I’ve ever written. It’d be amazing for you to see it. Next at The Hen & Chickens Theatre, 4th April.17 Mar 2026 08:57 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mham56ite22ehttps://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mh4so67rik2lNever let anyone get in the way of you having a brew15 Mar 2026 20:43 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mh4so67rik2lhttps://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mgu55rloyc2vGod Emperor Starmer12 Mar 2026 09:57 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mgu55rloyc2vhttps://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mgtwo7aw2k24Me an Englishman in 2028: Two vapes please! Shopkeeper: that’ll be two otters and a vole sir! *I step outside, registering that I should report him for his illegal “step” porn collection into a world of whimsy and delight, pirouetting down the street, I ignore the rising sea coming to claim us*12 Mar 2026 08:01 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mgtwo7aw2k24https://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mgt3khmscc2sAfter “Brothers in Arms” dropped [contains quote post or other embedded content]11 Mar 2026 23:56 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mgt3khmscc2shttps://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mgniw6zxok2nAbsolutely insane positioning from the right. We’re about to see a cost of living blitz similar to Covid. You’ll be seeing petrol prices double, mortgages spike, inflation hit again - entirely off the Americans fucking about - and kemi thinks we should be in amongst it [contains quote post or other embedded content]09 Mar 2026 18:39 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mgniw6zxok2nhttps://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mgndq54im22oIf the main character in Doom wants to play quarterback you give him whatever he wants [contains quote post or other embedded content]09 Mar 2026 17:06 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mgndq54im22ohttps://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mgeycs3ci22nIt’s been true for a long time - the state still hasn’t grasped that millennials aren’t young any more. They have in some cases adult children themselves, they’re occupying senior leadership positions that lobby the state and they’re also, after boomers, the next largest voter bloc by a country mile [contains quote post or other embedded content]06 Mar 2026 09:20 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mgeycs3ci22nhttps://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mfwakgucns2zCan’t believe the “If you don’t like us the fuck off” guys didn’t consider that people don’t like them and will happily fuck off.28 Feb 2026 12:38 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mfwakgucns2zhttps://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mfqr4er5ic2uBig Brother is watching you, mostly because he’s not allowed to shag Big Step-sister anymore [contains quote post or other embedded content]26 Feb 2026 08:18 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mfqr4er5ic2uhttps://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mfoichwgbc23The world is divided into nations where, if their leader fucks its good, and others where if their leader fucks it’s icky. Hungary has chosen their camp. [contains quote post or other embedded content]25 Feb 2026 10:35 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mfoichwgbc23https://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mfha6je52k2kLot of messages today congratulating me on our anniversary, with photos and videos of the happiest day of my life. I know we’re making the right decision in going our separate ways, but they don’t know and for them that closing story is still being told. More painful than I’d anticipated.22 Feb 2026 13:21 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mfha6je52k2khttps://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mff5ksl3kk2lWahaca is fine man, you lot should worry less about this stuff. If you’re that arsed you can go to Guacamoles in Peckham or La Chingada in Canada Water or something [contains quote post or other embedded content]21 Feb 2026 17:29 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mff5ksl3kk2lhttps://bsky.app/profile/jacobhashishaton.bsky.social/post/3mfekxx3qis2rYou don’t hate, specifically the UK press enough. They are at such a fundamental level the worst of us. [contains quote post or other embedded content]21 Feb 2026 11:56 +0000at://did:plc:4ssvykff323pgtint6s3jsbo/app.bsky.feed.post/3mfekxx3qis2r