@markedly.bsky.social - mark magark

22 Jul 2026 16:50 +0000

Damn, guitar is out of tune again. Can't believe how often you have to buy a new one of these

18 Jul 2026 18:56 +0000

Why didn’t the Trojan horse include a penis. Huge tactical oversight. Coulda fit way more dudes in that horse’s dick

16 Jul 2026 20:11 +0000

I am not boiling lettuce I'd rather explode with diarrhea

14 Jul 2026 14:04 +0000

Always the ice tray refiller, never the ice cube enjoyer 😤

12 Jul 2026 21:09 +0000

From the platform, I catch the train conductor's eye. I smile and wink. He smiles. The train horn blows. It's obvious what's happening. He wants me to jump onto the track so he can smush me.

10 Jul 2026 00:48 +0000

How can you ask me to set the printer up when you KNOW I'm having spaghetti time

09 Jul 2026 01:15 +0000

Me: [touches grass] Grass: Security

23 Jun 2026 22:00 +0000

Car Horn Honk Scale < 1 second =This saint deserves no inconvenience. Jail for their wrong-doer! 1-2 seconds = Purely human. We all struggle, baby. 3-5 seconds = God’s wrath is present. This driver is having a terrible day. > 5 seconds = The Antichrist. The architect of all evil is a-honkin’.

21 Jun 2026 14:07 +0000

Not to brag but I'm capable of looking at the extended weather forecast and holding the details in my head for up to 12 seconds

12 Jun 2026 17:02 +0000

Wife: It's too hot, I simply cannot wear a bra today Me (cis-male but an ally): [gritting teeth] Then I will

12 Jun 2026 03:00 +0000

I am loved 🥰

05 Jun 2026 23:11 +0000

[Wild West] What'd you say to me, pardner? *spits on the ground* Why, you ain't nothing but a

04 Jun 2026 02:13 +0000

Love watching the game in New York. Strangers shouting “Oh no you don’t, big boy” every time Wemby shoots

31 May 2026 02:27 +0000

1. It makes you feel cool as hell

29 May 2026 20:22 +0000

Sheep Detectives? What's next, Ostrich Accountants? I hope not. I don't want to live in this world.

27 May 2026 15:59 +0000

[clearly not wearing earbuds] sorry I can’t hear you I’m wearing earbuds

26 May 2026 22:44 +0000

Once in a while, we should drink the blood of the ruling class. Not because we want to ingest the DNA that makes them successful, but because it’s important that they see us as bloodthirsty little freaks

22 May 2026 17:05 +0000

Nothing says “don’t worry, this public bathroom is sanitary” like a dim red light

21 May 2026 01:22 +0000

If you see THIS post it means I have died because you did not bring me 12 ice cream cones in my time of need. For shame

20 May 2026 20:06 +0000

if you see this please bring me 12 ice cream cones immediately

24 Apr 2026 22:09 +0000

Got his ass https://apple.news/AT5bUkdWvTIutE33VX4jZjA

23 Mar 2026 18:54 +0000

They named a moving company after what I shout at the height of ecstasy

17 Mar 2026 14:57 +0000

I’m a Pangea nostalgist. Put it back together

28 Feb 2026 04:36 +0000

Tonight I am making space to be grateful for all the nights I DIDN’T find a centipede in my bed

26 Feb 2026 19:47 +0000

Dunkin Donuts: Sorry, we’re out of chocolate glazed. Me: [about to lose it] No Mark, save this feeling. Use it for your art.