Writer. Actor. Serial plant killer. Mostly the last one. Words in McSweeney’s, Washington Post, Jim Henson Co, and my notes app.https://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.socialhttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mm7pneosg22nIt’s just like the saying goes: If there are 9 Nazis at a table and 1 person joins them, it’s Mark Cuban.19 May 2026 15:33 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mm7pneosg22nhttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mlf4ltyjfk2xKinda disappointed they didn’t go the whole hog- er, calf- and have him holding a golden Big Mac.09 May 2026 01:43 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mlf4ltyjfk2xhttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mkzsvkgv3s2y“I’m just out here spreading positivity.” -The worst person you ever met04 May 2026 13:50 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mkzsvkgv3s2yhttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mknzesio4c2iMy latest for @mcsweeneys.net is up and totally unrelated to current events! 😀 "We have to separate the artist from their art. Just because Vorgarg’s biggest hit is 'Humans Are Scum Who Must Be Violently Ruled by Robots,' doesn’t mean he is some human-hating, violent robot." https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-know-vorgarg-the-kazoo-playing-robot-tried-to-kill-us-all-but-thats-not-going-to-stop-me-from-going-to-his-concert29 Apr 2026 21:14 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mknzesio4c2ihttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mknzcixnac2iThis was a fun one to write! [contains quote post or other embedded content]29 Apr 2026 21:13 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mknzcixnac2ihttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mkliha42mc2lHuman chlamydia gives lecture on disease prevention28 Apr 2026 21:06 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mkliha42mc2lhttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mkghkopnuc25I’ll feel so much better about sending my kids to school once their campus ballroom is complete.26 Apr 2026 21:07 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mkghkopnuc25https://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mkddor4fls2n"You mess with the bull, you get the horns," I whisper as I unlike someone’s post after seeing their other posts.25 Apr 2026 15:19 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mkddor4fls2nhttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mkbvs4etfc2kReally need a good night’s sleep, so I’m headed to the Oval Office. ✌️25 Apr 2026 01:38 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mkbvs4etfc2khttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mjww44nkgc2tToday I have filed a 250 million dollar lawsuit against my husband for making allegations that I snore.20 Apr 2026 16:44 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mjww44nkgc2thttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mjs4ac67vs24The next time Kash Patel goes missing, the White House should put a bottle of Jäger on the back porch to try and lure him back.18 Apr 2026 18:51 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mjs4ac67vs24https://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mjhyqtustc2nAnd lo, the Lord said unto her, “Scooch allllll the way down to the end of the table so that ye might reach the stirrups easier.”14 Apr 2026 18:22 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mjhyqtustc2nhttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mjhrfx3iik2v14 Apr 2026 16:10 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mjhrfx3iik2vhttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mjdalwkt6k22“I don’t know, there’s just something off about this Swalwell thing.” Yes, your humanity.12 Apr 2026 20:59 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mjdalwkt6k22https://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mj6l2w5ub22tAlright, men, we’ve seen enough. We’ll take it from here.11 Apr 2026 00:23 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mj6l2w5ub22thttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3miwfi7jlds23Guys, relax. Your former high school classmate who got fired from Applebee’s for smoking meth in the walk-in says bombing Iran is all part of the plan to keep America safe.07 Apr 2026 18:22 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3miwfi7jlds23https://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mittpsllfs2mAnd Jesus said unto them, “Open the Fuckin’ Tomb, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell! I really Mean it!! Hail Satan! Your favorite Lord and Savior, JHC.”06 Apr 2026 17:58 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mittpsllfs2mhttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mijqcsfhuk2qYou can’t just fire Pam Bondi, that will only make her angrier. You have to drive a stake through her heart, turn around 1.776 times, and throw 9A boxed hair dye over your left shoulder.02 Apr 2026 17:31 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mijqcsfhuk2qhttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mifeeq72h22xMay Kristi Noem get the same amount of privacy she’s given immigrants and their families.31 Mar 2026 23:47 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mifeeq72h22xhttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mif3g2esb22qMay Kristi Noem get the same amount of privacy she’s given immigrants and their families.31 Mar 2026 21:06 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mif3g2esb22qhttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mi4xbqajbk2cWhy go to a protest when you can just stay at home and tell everyone they're doing it wrong?28 Mar 2026 15:31 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mi4xbqajbk2chttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mhxxm7kz3s2vAs a former pre-k teacher, I’d pay good money to see an AI robot try and teach after getting puked on by a kid.26 Mar 2026 15:53 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mhxxm7kz3s2vhttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mhmhj6gbtc2vJust did an online workout where the instructor encouraged us not to dissociate from a hard move we were doing and maybe we don’t need therapy speak in EVERYTHING idk22 Mar 2026 02:06 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mhmhj6gbtc2vhttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mhh7qvs4vc2sPolice: License and registration, ma'am. Me: Ugh ok but do you promise not to look at the picture?20 Mar 2026 00:04 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mhh7qvs4vc2shttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mhekq5qups2bPeople say theater is dead, but a bunch of senators spent the day pretending to be outraged at Markwayne Bumfuck, knowing they’ll still vote to confirm him.18 Mar 2026 22:42 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mhekq5qups2bhttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mhc5ihkql22nCelebrated my Irish ancestry by getting a sunburn from a 30-minute walk on a cloudy day. 🙏☘️🇮🇪17 Mar 2026 23:40 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mhc5ihkql22nhttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mh5iqcovlc2zMore like Marty Ain’t Supreme, am I right? I’m a writer.16 Mar 2026 03:18 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mh5iqcovlc2zhttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mgrzmdjefc2tMaking tacos for dinner tonight 'cause I don't let alliteration control my life.11 Mar 2026 13:48 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mgrzmdjefc2thttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mgks3pd7v22lI’ve already changed two clocks in my house like some kind of hyper-driven overachiever.08 Mar 2026 16:45 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mgks3pd7v22lhttps://bsky.app/profile/thelesliegaar.bsky.social/post/3mgiawc4qb22oMe: So how long have you lived in Austin? Them: Born and raised here. You? Me: Not as long as that! I got here in ‘97, so… Me: *just notices how young this person is* Me: You were probably just… Them: Yeah I was 3. 😭07 Mar 2026 16:32 +0000at://did:plc:il4mcjx45jwsne6z5b6vp4it/app.bsky.feed.post/3mgiawc4qb22o